Sunday, July 29, 2007

Great walls

So I've been doing something thinking. This may not come to a surprise to some of my friends. Maybe it will. I'll start off with a quote from another blog that I read. Ha, that post is now gone. Funny how that works out. Well, it was just about this guy and the wall he put up.

So, back to me. I guess you could say that I've built a nice lil fortress around my self. I think, from the way I feel about my brother right now, that even my family is on the out side of this wall. I don't open up to new people. I don't open up to friends or family. I say more to this blog than I do to anyone else. I'm sure that will back fire on me some day too. Oh well.

Is it because of these "walls" that I am emotionally dead inside? Or just that I haven't let anyone get close enough? I think it has always been hard for me to open up to people. I guess opening up to some people and never hearing from them again doesn't help. It would seem that my mind set is this: I'm not going to open up to anyone, if they can't deal with that then I guess that is just to bad for them.

So where do I go from here?


Bardouble29 said...

There will always be a friend or two around that will always be there no matter what!!

You are a GREAT guy and I will give anyone who says otherwise a big black eye!

No but seriously....

Aunt Jackie said...

Let me reiterate what my blog footer says:
"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." -Dr. Seuss

That's true. Don't harden up, don't soften up... be you! Whoever stays around are the right kind of people, and those who bolt are shit and don't matter anyway. Don't let it make you bitter; Believe me, I've learned it all the hard way too.

Everything else will fall right into place at the exact right time (no sooner, no later).

Aunt Jackie has spoken, and approves this message.

Anonymous said...

You are who are, and when your ready you will open up to the people who YOU think should pass those walls of yours. You shouldnt beat yourself up for things that have already pass. I like you whether or not you open up to me. I said im ur friend and im sitll here. And I agree with the first comment about giving people black eyes if anyone says different.

The Lone Beader said...

So where do I go from here?

On a long drive to the East Coast in your El Camino... Bet you'd open the door for me.... ;)

captain corky said...

Cool new look! Feel free to open up to me anytime dude. I consider us to be freinds, and if I lived near you I would hit the bars with you.

Anonymous said...

Loving the new look!
Don't worry chucky, everyone has walls up from time to time. You still gots the bestest friends ever.

The Lone Beader said...

Hey Chucky, after I commented this morning, I thought about this some more... Don't think of it as a fortress. It's more like a garage with automatic door openers. When the car that belongs there pulls up, your door will automatically open...

Just some food for thought... :)

Chucky said...

Now that is a good way to put it.

I like it =)

Wizened Wizard said...

Well I can't top Beader's thoughts, but I can add that it seems obvious your family is underappreciating you.

We don't get to choose our parents. Yours may seem to look more kindly upon your brother, but it may be because they know - but can't express - you're stronger and better able to handle life than he is.

A good friend is hard to find, and in my experience hard to keep because of time or distance or changing circumstances or interests. Maybe that's why internet friends appeal: the connections usually stem from some shared activity or interest, the contact and conversations happen when you want them to and when you have the time, and you have the opportunity to think through and edit what you say (which doesn't happen in real life)!

Ah, so I'm rambling on here...

Like yourself, Chucky. Be proud of the things you do, give what you can to people but take care of yourself. When you meet someone else who seems "walled", maybe you'll open that garage door that Beader described - maybe even just part way. You certainly aren't emotionally dead, and you do open up some pretty private feelings and concerns to those of us who visit your blog.

Where do you go from here? Maybe try something you have some interest in that you haven't done before (preferably that doesn't involve beer or family) like some adult ed. class. Okay, okay, don't write me off as an older than dirt wacko. Not an English class, of course, but maybe paddling or martial arts or movie appreciation or a computer class or some kind of woodworking or ??? Just an idea to bump you out of your mold and into some different sorts of characters. I say this not because your current pals aren't good (how would I really know), but because you might be surprised to run into someone or several someones with whom you feel comfortable "opening up".

Anyway, who am I to make suggestions? I live in the woods and spend most of my time alone. And that's not half bad.


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