Sunday, October 24, 2010

Holy dead blog batman

So I am thinking about bring my blog back out of the grave.

I have a trip that I am working on to Egypt for two weeks.

Thursday, March 04, 2010

Going to be a good day

Today is going to be a good day. I just got back from doing a few hours of volunteer work over at the cat / dog shelter. It's a no kill shelter. I wont mind going one to two times a week. I just hate all the gas that I'm using up. everything has to be 20 - 30 miles away. Today is going to be over a hundred miles. Bleh!

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

I think it is nap time

I think it is nap time. Maybe after a nap I will try and go to the gym after that. I really should go and do something.

Friday, February 05, 2010

Stupid internet

The internet is a great tool. You can find so many questions out there. Right now I just seem to be finding more questions. I am trying to find out what I want to do. I've spent so much time on craigslist these past few days. Just looking and looking. I don't know if I want to keep what I have or just build something new. The internet is just pointing me in so many different directions.

Gah! I am going all over the place. I just don't know what I want!

Friday, January 29, 2010

Lock it up....Unlock it

I just don't know what I want to do with this place sometimes.

Lock it up so no one can see or just let everyone read it.

I just don't know.

Thursday, January 28, 2010

It has been over a month

*deep breath* I still miss her.

Sunday, January 17, 2010

Is it bad that I

Looked up the cost of a train ticket to go up north?

$86 to up and $86 to come back. Takes just over 19 hours via the Amtrak.

Saturday, January 16, 2010

I wish I could tell you

I wish I could tell you how smart you are.
How funny you are
how I love your simle
your laugh.
I wish I could just tell you "hi".
Or how much better I am making my life now
How I am turning my life around
how sorry I am that I hurt you
How much it hurts that I lost your trust.

I just want to tell you.
How I want to hold you.
How nice it was to be able to come home to you.
I still think of you everyday. I'm sure you think of me too, I just don't know how good the thoughts are.
I wish I had made the right choice.
I just want to be able to talk like two adults.
I understand the pain I have caused.
I wish you could read this.
I wish I had your support.
I hope you will reply to my last e-mail.
A part of me knows your will not.I never thought I would hurt this much.
Losing you hurts more than giving up this addiction.
I wish I would have known that sooner.
I hope you don't blame your self.
I know you tried to talk to me. I was scared.
I as scared like ending up like my brother.
You are a good person. I was stupid for thinking that.
I am learning so much about me. I wish you could see that.
I wish I had you.

Maybe I should just name this blog "I want you back" ;)
well at least I can still smile.
I hope you can trust me again.

She was amazing

I am really thinking of trying to get her back. Maybe I just want something I can't have. She was funny, smart, good.

I fucked it up. I wonder if she could trust me again.

Friday, January 15, 2010

Letter to her

I wish I would have opened my eyes sooner.
I wish we could still talk.
It was my fault.
I wish I could have googled ____ three months before I did.
I wish you were still here.
I wish you didn't think I was a monster.
I wish I could have your support.
I wish you could help me
I wish I didn't fuck things up.
I know the moment where it all fell apart.
I should have known something was wrong with me right then and there.
I should have asked for help sooner.
I want to tell you all this.
I wish I didn't have to deal with this.
I am going to get my life back on track.
I hope you can be a part of that.
I tried to give you 100% of who I am.
I am sorry.


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