Why can't I just have at least a semi normal family. Why? I'm sure that's why I'm so anti family.
"help and support" two areas that I'm not good with. How come I can't just call people a "crazy bitch" and have that fix everything.
Stupid!
Fuck them all. I don't even know how I can put into words what is going on. It isn't my immediate family so much as it is my Mom's sister and her family. I guess my sister-in-law's family too.
My Aunt's daughter is renter the house from us at below market value. Then had $100 taken off of the rent to keep an eye on the pets that we had there. From what I could remember we had 3 small dogs, 4 cats, and however many kittens.
There are now 3.
Two of the adult cats have been seen, they've been out more so I guess they know how to fend for them self, and one dog.
So yeah my dislike for family has a lot of reason behind it. I really can't wait 'til I am on my own.
p.s. Her rent goes up $200 on the first and will go up again until it reaches market value.
I had planned on going to class in the afternoon. Only I don't think it is a good idea after everything I took last night trying to make the pain go away.
So I did go to the dentist this morning after one of the worst nights sleep ever. With the 4 Tylenol PMs that I took I was tired but the pain made it almost impossible to sleep. So with all the pills that I popped and the lack of sleep and the pain in my mouth. I didn't make it to school today.
I've spent most of the day laying down watching TV. I think I watched 5 episodes of Heroes. Soon to be two more.
My whole body seems to just hurt. Like if I got in a fight or something last night.
I am hungry. I just don't feel like eating. Lets see how work goes tomorrow. My guess is that it's going to suck.
I can't believe how much this fucking hurts. I can't even sleep.
I've taken 4 tylenol PMs and countless Motrins. I can't fucking sleep. Just want to yell out fuck. but can't
holy shit. fuck. mother fuckcing shit! damnit. I was a sleep for an hour or two then woke up this this sharp pain. I have no more tylenol PMs to take. my damn broken wrist didn't even hurt this much. This is like some sharp pain that someone keeps poking at. and I got nothing to do to make me feel better.
fucking shit. kjdlf;as;oifjaodifgjadgajdf
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FUCK.
It can't hurt more than this is I just fucking pull it out my self. fucking damnit. thst sounds like such a good idea right now too...
I do not feel like going to school tomorrow. I do not feel like having to put my wet suit on. I do not feel like spending all day in my wet suit. I just don't want to go. I even went to sleep early last night. I got about 10 hours. I know I needed that. I really don't want to wake up early.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fucking. Fuck. Fuck. fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
Typing "Fcuk" doesn't seem to help anything. Would be nice if it did. Would be nice if things just worked.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. it is 3:13 Fuck. Fuck. FUck. FUck. Fuck. FUck Fuck. I'm thinking of getting a wireless keyboard. Fuck FUck. FUck. Fuck. Fuck. Fucked. Fucking. Fucker. Fucke. Fuckie, Fucky, Fucko, Fucki, Fucka, Fucku.
I've spent about a grand on different computer parts. What do I have to show for it? A stupid fucking broken computer. It is all apart all over my floor right now. The motherboard isn't even in the case. It has been broken all weekend too. It really just pisses me off because I don't know how to fix it. I've tried everything I could think of in as many different ways as I could.
Now is it 2:47am I need to be at work by 7:30am. Today is going to suck. I want a do over on my weekend. I didn't do a damn thing that I needed to. I've spent sooo many hours working on a broken ass computer. I was awake until 2am Sat. working on it. Then a few more hours on sat. after I rolled out of bed and Sunday afternoon.
It takes me 20 min just to boot up into what I got here. I can't do much more than look at some websites. Movies don't play. Games don't work. Flash and Java don't work. I got a bigger list of what doesn't work then what does work. Like the title says....This fucking sucks!
(side note: that is such a sad looking picture of me at work)
Great so I get to drive all the way to my grandma's (275 miles one way) stay the night and drive back the next day.
It's going to be lots of fun.
So I just pissed away $30.
I don't even feel like telling the whole story.
I cut the mic cord to make it longer. I guess it didn't like being cut as now it doesn't work.
Funk I need more money. Well...want.
Maybe I don't need an mp3 player after all. It is kind of peaceful jogging on the beach. No one to bug me, just the sound of the beach and the people on bikes or roller blades going by. Today I just ended up in one of those moods where just want to hit something or whatever. So jogging I went. Here to the beach, then I took a left and went until I couldn't go any farther. I must have went about 4 miles. I did walk a little. maybe a half of a mile or so.
Oh and on a school note, I got a 100% on my quiz today. So that was cool, but I think I also lost one of my gloves. Fuck! oh well. The run also helped with getting me away from my roomies for awhile. They are all good people, I just don't like being around people all the time. I also decided to sign up for match.com junkzor. We'll see how that goes.
...Because my brother has taken so much from our family I feel like shit because I need help going to school. I've known I've needed X amount of money or not to even waste my time. For me to come up with it my self I would have needed to work until the end of this year.
But my mom said that she would be able to help out. Like any mom wants to do. Well now my mom just pawned in her car.
So now I feel like crap for needing help. My stupid fucking brother doesn't feel a damn thing. Though, I did tell him if I find out he asked for even $5 that I was going to fucking knock him out. Then asked if there were any questions.
so...FUCK!
PS. I like my new "fuck" label.
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I wounder if my point comes across?
I was told a few weeks ago that there was no need for me to worry. Without this, there is no point in me going to school. It's the green stuff that pays the rent and gets you food. I was told that there in no need to worry...
Come yesterday afternoon I get a phone call from the same person that told me not to worry about it. one of those "I'm sorry, but I can't do it. So start worrying about it again" type of phone calls.
Only now I've quit my job. So I can't even get a loan. First question they ask is "do you have a job?" Bah! No need to worry....
FUCK!
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