So I am thinking about bring my blog back out of the grave.
I have a trip that I am working on to Egypt for two weeks.
Today is going to be a good day. I just got back from doing a few hours of volunteer work over at the cat / dog shelter. It's a no kill shelter. I wont mind going one to two times a week. I just hate all the gas that I'm using up. everything has to be 20 - 30 miles away. Today is going to be over a hundred miles. Bleh!
I think it is nap time. Maybe after a nap I will try and go to the gym after that. I really should go and do something.
The internet is a great tool. You can find so many questions out there. Right now I just seem to be finding more questions. I am trying to find out what I want to do. I've spent so much time on craigslist these past few days. Just looking and looking. I don't know if I want to keep what I have or just build something new. The internet is just pointing me in so many different directions.
Gah! I am going all over the place. I just don't know what I want!
I just don't know what I want to do with this place sometimes.
Lock it up so no one can see or just let everyone read it.
I just don't know.
Looked up the cost of a train ticket to go up north?
$86 to up and $86 to come back. Takes just over 19 hours via the Amtrak.
I wish I could tell you how smart you are.
How funny you are
how I love your simle
your laugh.
I wish I could just tell you "hi".
Or how much better I am making my life now
How I am turning my life around
how sorry I am that I hurt you
How much it hurts that I lost your trust.
I just want to tell you.
How I want to hold you.
How nice it was to be able to come home to you.
I still think of you everyday. I'm sure you think of me too, I just don't know how good the thoughts are.
I wish I had made the right choice.
I just want to be able to talk like two adults.
I understand the pain I have caused.
I wish you could read this.
I wish I had your support.
I hope you will reply to my last e-mail.
A part of me knows your will not.I never thought I would hurt this much.
Losing you hurts more than giving up this addiction.
I wish I would have known that sooner.
I hope you don't blame your self.
I know you tried to talk to me. I was scared.
I as scared like ending up like my brother.
You are a good person. I was stupid for thinking that.
I am learning so much about me. I wish you could see that.
I wish I had you.
Maybe I should just name this blog "I want you back" ;)
well at least I can still smile.
I hope you can trust me again.
I am really thinking of trying to get her back. Maybe I just want something I can't have. She was funny, smart, good.
I fucked it up. I wonder if she could trust me again.
I wish I would have opened my eyes sooner.
I wish we could still talk.
It was my fault.
I wish I could have googled ____ three months before I did.
I wish you were still here.
I wish you didn't think I was a monster.
I wish I could have your support.
I wish you could help me
I wish I didn't fuck things up.
I know the moment where it all fell apart.
I should have known something was wrong with me right then and there.
I should have asked for help sooner.
I want to tell you all this.
I wish I didn't have to deal with this.
I am going to get my life back on track.
I hope you can be a part of that.
I tried to give you 100% of who I am.
I am sorry.
These last few days have been hard. Not as hard as it is getting called a monster by someone I loved. I know, because that just happened.
How many nights am I going to go with out getting a good night sleep?
I know I have friends I can do to. Why do I type to a computer?
How long am I going to be in this funk?
Is it all because of silly girls?
How can I make this all better?
Why do I feel so empty?
Just going over the last 5ish posts. It sucks. It sucks that the only "person" I want to talk to is a stupid computer.
And I don't even want to do that.
So today is New Years day. Woohoo first blog of the new year!
Just seems like I don't have anyone to talk to.
:(
Being alone again kind of sucks. Takes some getting used to that's for sure. Don't have anyone to talk to. No one to lay next to for some body warmth. No one to come home to. Hell, even this blog is alone.
Eh. such is life.
I just want to go from the 23rd to the 26th. Get all this over with.
I don't even want to spend time with my family if I could. Only one of them is ok and he has his own problems.
Stupid Christmas.
Her parents came by 2 days ago to help pack up and rent a truck to take it all back up north.
We were together about 10 months.
It is kind of depressing how quiet and empty my apartment is now.
Used to have cat, bird, and girlfirend. Now it's back to just me...
...what if I just want to be single.
Well it turns out that she doesn't want to live down here. This far from her family.
I feel like going to one right now!
I want to go.
I want a beer.
I want to go out and have a beer.
Going out to a bar just for a beer or two is boring. If I am going to a bar I'm going to drink enough that I can't drive back.
Going to a strip club I can spend a few hours of time and just drink one or two beers.
In the end the cost is the same but I am still able to drive back from the strip club.
Why does she have to sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo anti-strip club?!
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